(For those of you who haven’t yelled at me already for this, here are a few more Twilight rant posts for your enjoyment.
http://germonderpop.wordpress.com/2008/06/12/why-i-hate-twilight-the-sequel/
http://germonderpop.wordpress.com/2008/03/24/i-dont-get-it/)
While reading Twilight for the first time about two years ago, the thought crossed my mind that this book would be better as a movie. The writing, I thought, was terrible. The character development, shabby. The relationship between the two main characters, shallow and downright creepy. But the concept wasn’t that bad. Get some good actors and a real plot, and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster.
Tonight, I sat through all two hours of the Twilight movie, painfully aware of how well it followed the book. I expected there to be at least some more character development–or at least better portrayal of the characters–but I was disappointed.
First of all, a note to the makeup people: That shade of lipstick on Edward was no bueno. I know you were trying to make him look more pale by making his lips darker, but the obviousness of the lipstick + the poor eyeliner job = a very feminine Robert Pattinson.
The acting was bad. There’s no other way to say it. I don’t know if it was the actors or the director, but Edward constantly looked angry/constipated, Bella always looked dumbfounded/lost, and everyone else was too peppy to be real. The scene choices, while at first glance appear to be nice and dramatic, just added to the bad acting. The scene in the forest? “You’re impossibly fast”? “Say it. Out loud.”? Ring any bells? I was snorting with laughter at this point.
The choice in music was side-splitting. It sounded like it was straight out of a Spanish soap opera–not to insult Spanish soap operas. Any time a moment was a potentially good piece of film, it was like a cue for the dramatized electric guitar to take any thoughts of tortured lovers and replace them with thoughts of David Bowie, and how incredible he looked in Labryinth. (I kid you not. More than once, when the guitar struck up its sappy music, images of David Bowie in tights were drawn to my mind.)
The adaptation from book to screenplay was actually spot-on, which was the disappointing part. It magnified how stalker-esque Edward, and how ridiculous their relationship, is. Honestly, after speaking to each other about the mysteries of the Cullens for a combined total of a few hours, she’s irrevocably in love with him, and he brings her home to meet the fam. And watches her sleep.
The only characters I even remotely liked were Alice and Carlisle. I would have loved Alice, but everything she said hinted at her ability to see the future. “We’re going to be great friends.” “It’s okay, Jasper, you won’t hurt her.” Even her saying “I’ll see you soon” seemed to be flaunting her special talent. As for Carlisle, the only reason I liked him is because I couldn’t stop looking at him.
Do I regret seeing it? Not at all. I haven’t laughed that hard since the final scenes of Australia. Would I see it again? Not unless forced.
You must not have seen it in the theater, because you didn’t mention the throngs of cooing tween girls.
i TOTALLY agree with you. the story is so basic and its a little odd. i also hate it when people obsess with how good of a book it is and its not.
Same here! I would never want to read those books because I have a fear I’ll be ending up in a stupid, sappy, team Edward club
i agree with you to a certain point. roberts make up was clearly visible and the scene in the forest(watching it made me cringe)actually i agree with you about everything except for the music. i personaly loved it but then we all have different tastes.Reading this made me laugh sooo hard. this is really great
i liked the book and movie, possibly only because i am a tween girl who thinks robert pattinson is so hot and i love the vampire stuff, i am not arguing with you, just stating my opinion. ciao
GAH! totally agree w/ you. hated the book and the movie. i was forced to watch it when my friends dragged me w/ them to the movies to see it. but yeah, the acting was horrible, and edward is a complete stalker…i would have called the cops on him
Reading this had me in stitches. When the movie came out, and everyone I knew was swooning over how amazing it was- I made a promise to myself that I’d never see it. I broke that promise… but that’s neither here nor there. I read the book first; I am currently in the middle of the last one. I thought the books were excellent, I loved the characters and the story-lines, I thought it was very creatvie. A perfect blend of romance and action. But the movie was terrible; it had me cringing the whole way through. Kristin Stewart isn’t pretty and she can’t act – I don’t know why she keeps getting cast in movies. She could say the word ‘And’, and her face will contort into 100 different expressions. Robert was almost as bad; but it may just be because of the terrible chemistry between the two leads. I thought the character development was horrible; Bella and Edward spoke 5 words to eachother and they were already pledging their everlasting love to one another. Please. And Edward would randomly follow Bella around saying how he can’t stay away from her, and that they shouldn’t be friends. What made him think that Bella wanted to be in a relationship with him in the first place? His huge ego? And I’m not even going to mention the terrible special effects. When Bella was on Edwards back and they were running up the mountain – it looked like that yodler on ‘The Price Is Right’. The movie had me laughing all the way through (which is bad considering it wasn’t a comedy), but the books are fantastic. I am wondering if the ‘Eclipse’ movie will be just as bad……..
THANK YOU THIS WEBSITE….I AM A TWILIGHT HATER AND I FELT LIKE I WAS THE ONLY ONE…ALL OF THE GIRLS ARE LIKE BLAH BLAH BLAH…TWILIGHT…BLAH BLAH…ROBERT PATTINSON….ETC.
I HATE THE MOVIE AND THE BOOKS. I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID. THE PLOT ISN’T AT ALL CREATIVE OR UNIQUE! THE PREDATOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE PREY? HELLO??? WHAT KIND OF OLD FASHIONED, COMMON THEME IS THAT? AT LEAST MAKE SOMETHING DECENT OUT OF IT IF YOU’RE GOING TO USE THIS. AND THE LOVE TRIANGLE? *COUGH COUGH* THERE WASN’T A triangle at all. the reader could tell right from the beginning it was going to be Edward. THE ANIMAL BLOOD VAMPIRE THING ISN’T ORIGINAL EITHER…AND THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS WHO IS PRACTICALLY PERFECT (BEING CLUMSY AND VERY UGLY AREN’T EXACTLY FLAWS) All the relationships are not well developed at all. It’s like, EDWARD IS GORGEOUS EDWARD IS GORGOEOUS AND BELLA SMELLS NICE….WTF?? THE PLOT WAS WEAK…THE AUTHOR JUST USED SOME OF THE SAME ADJECTIVES OVER AND OVER AGAIN….LIQUID GOLDEN EYES…BRONZE HAIR…PERFECT CHEST….LOOL
AND I ALSO HATE how the author takes advantage of young teenage girls’ weaknesses for the ‘perfect dream guy..’ there is no potential at all right from the start…the author doesn’t care at all about what her books say…as long as she makes her 7 figure bonus. THERES NOTHING CHILLING OR MYSTERIOUS ABOUT THE BOOK..THE VAMPIRE THING WAS JUST TRYING TO PULL PEOPLE IN..
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO READ GENUINE VAMPIRE STORIES…I SUGGEST INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE
Couldn’t agree with you more, Twilight, a bit cliche with its storyline, predictable too.
OMG, you should’ve watched the spoofs before you went to watch it.
It made me laugh. Really hard. The movie, that is.
Every single part.
There’s one particular spoof that hit the movie RIGHT on, for the trailer.
You made me laugh
.
Love the review. You pretty much took the words out of my mouth.
“The character development, shabby. The relationship between the two main characters, shallow and downright creepy.”
WORD. Actually, the character development was non-existent. For the main characters, anyway, and that’s sad.
And how the hell is a dude sneaking into your bedroom at night to watch you sleep romantic? Really? REALLY?
I loved the pancake makeup, too.
“Edward constantly looked angry/constipated, Bella always looked dumbfounded/lost”
Not angry. Just constipated. There are no adjectives to describe Bella’s expression…because she had none. I think her character was written to be vague and confuse – it seemes Kristen Stewart was just as confused about what her character was thinking as we were. I think she was trying to underplay the character, give a subtle yet powerful performance. I’m sorry, Kristen Stewart, but you ain’t no Ralph Fiennes. I have NEVER seen two people with less chemistry than these two. You know how in Titanic Jack in Rose only took 3 days to fall in love yet you fully believed in their love? Yeah, this was nothing like that.
“The choice in music was side-splitting.”
Loved the last song they danced to at the prom (Flightless Bird, American Mouth). Then again, I’m a huge Iron and Wine fan. Hated the context though, kind of how I hated how they used that One Republic song, “Apologize” in the Atonement commercial.
They used “Apologize” in the Atonement commercial?
Yeah. They used it in the commercial advertising its DVD release.
I can deal with “Apologize” on the radio, but I feel that choosing that song for the commercial somewhat insulted the elegant, poetic beauty of the film.
Seriously. That’s a beautiful movie, and the soundtrack is just as amazing. Plus, I hate that song and I’ve heard it’s about suicide.
apologize doesn’t equal suicide and ouch for them using it on atonement, talk about not being vague.
i too think it had great potential as a wonderful movie. i think it is why mtv turned down all the scripts they got. hint, hint, summit. i especially was disappointed by the meadow scene. i think they should just let her come out with it and called him something like superman if not just out right vamp.
but why are you haterating on a bad movie? think about it? american pie makes me wanna puke but i still watch it for bad-movie night. i say promo. this for a bad movie night.
I agree with you entirely.
Except I wouldn’t be so kind to Miss Meyer. When I read through the books the first time, I was just another pathetic fangirl…I can’t believe I ever liked the series now.
What bugs me the most, perhaps, is Stephanie Meyer’s self-insertion of herself through Bella. Eyes, face shape, hair color, ect. Bella even tells Edward “My mom says I was born a 35 year-old.” (The same age Meyer was when she wrote it.)
That aside, I thought the movie was even worse than the books.
Robert Pattinson is horrible no matter what, but the whole ‘getting his cheekbones to stand out’ and all of that effort to make him look ‘pretty’ just made him looked like a cross between a clown and a man-slut.
I had to suffer through the thing twice, the first time when I went because I was still crazed over it (the movie really did help me hate the whole series, and Meyer’s other work full of self-insertion, ‘The Host’) and the second when I was practically kidnapped and forced to watch it.
I don’t know how the movie could have gotten worse. The acting was horrible, the music, yes was rotten, and the story…oh the story…
What is so special about Bella? For that matter, what is so special about Edward? Nothing. Meyer has created a brain-sucking device to destroy the minds of all human females (and some males) from the ages of 13-40+.
Fantastic review! Can’t say I wasn’t obsessed with it for a while (even though I was obsessed but not with Edward Cullen) back then. Until I saw the back cover of Breaking Dawn. Something about the conversation Bella and Edward having – “We’ll be together forever” then only I realized the cliche-ness and corny-ness of it.
I, too, promised myself I’d never watch the movie. I watched a spoof. But one day I broke my promise and watched it on my iPod. Somehow I related the whole movie to the spoof and it had me smirking and snorting throughout the whole movie. Not that it’d make any difference without the spoof.
Your thoughtful, witty commentary is much appreciated… but what got me was … I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT PATTINSON LOOKS CONSTIPATED!
With that one comment, you’ve made my night!
Very well said, you mirrored my reactions exactly.
I’d love to see a well-done spoof, though – though the whole thing was basically a spoof of itself to begin with.
100% agreed it kept way way way to close to the book. They might as well have taken the pages from the book and put them in a slide show to make the movie. My friend and I could not stop laughing during the movie, we could not believe how bad it was!
i found the movie repulsive and the book even worse, i mean not to insult the actors in it (except Robert Pattison cause he doesnt shower) but the movie was TERRIBLE!
Personally i find out that the Twilight series has too much love in it for me
Great review, spot on.
I could contain my laughter until he said the fatal words, “I like to watch you sleep.”
There were a couple of people who said they liked the movie, but for the most part, it was unpopular. I hope New Moon will be better, though there’s a slight chance I’ll see it. Watching bad movies is an insult to my taste.
I agree the movie was a disaster. I have to admit I was excited to see the movie…but oh wow was it bad. We were sitting in the movie theater and when Robert/Edward showed up on the screen there was actual clapping, i know weird. The movie was way stupid, i hated the Edward character. They can’t act. There were way awkward scenes. I personally didn’t like the music either, the director and producers better take into consideration all of the comments of how horrible Twilight was and make New Moon better. This movie will be better because there will be less of Edward/Robert ha!
i agree…movie was horrible. +++robert pattinson is UGLY. dont noe why a lot of girls r obsessed with him. hes an ugly fag. but anyway.
few reasons why i dont like the book.
1)bella and edward arent in love. their in lust. can uu ever recall a time when bella talks about edward’s personality (besides his supernatural gifts) n edward only likes her coz she smells good.
2)smeyer created wonderful characters like Alice n Jasper but gave them no further development
3)if smeyer was a good writer she’d want us to put ourselves in bella’s shoes and join her in her adventure of finding out what edward reely is. but instead she tells everybody at the blurb.
4)she set out rules but broke them all in the last book.
no offnce to twi hards n smeyer. but the book n movie sukkd.
***ps i take no credit for the reasons ^^^***
I’ve never finished the book… I find it absolutely embarrassing how Myer portrays vampires. Sparkle? I think not.
It would have been better if they had found decent actors, really Patterson is the most homely and disgusting thing around, and made it a little more exciting. The graphics sucked and the whole running scene? What the hell was that?
How many people out there who “Love!” Twilight actually have their own opinions? Or is it just “Oh wow, my friends like Twilight so I must too!”
Stephen King had some beautiful words about the books too, and just when I thought King couldn’t get any better!
I listened to the first book on tape a year or two ago and was indifferent to it. Then I read New Moon and finally saw some depth of emotion from Bella and a semi-healthy friendship with the Jacob character. I liked Bella’s reckless behavior. I finally felt like she was doing things that gave her character depth, rather than telling us through her thoughts what her character supposedly was. I found the end of the book with the ruling vampires in Italy quite interesting. Call me crazy, but I liked the second book. I hear from so many fan girls about how awful they thought this book was. I have a suspicion that this is because of the book’s lack of Edward. Then again, I’ve never really understood what was just so darned appealing and “hot” about Edward. I thought Jacob was a much more accessible character, and his relationship with Bella had a bit more teenage happy go-luckiness. The second book, for me, actually brought out some small amount of likability in Bella.
This was right around that time the series was starting to become quite popular. Soon the third book came out. I read it but was not at all impressed. I was left, just as I had been with the first book, slightly indifferent to it.
Finally, I read the fourth book when it came out. My sister had a copy she got at midnight, so I had a copy close by. I read it and was no longer indifferent. I was annoyed. I was annoyed by the lack of conflict and by creepy plot developments. I was very annoyed by the book’s resemblance to a particularly kooky fan-fic.
After seeing the movie, I was awakened to what a poor book Twilight really is. I was suddenly very aware of how lacking the love story was, among other things.
I agree with many of the comments on here. Since I watched the Twilight trailer spoof on youtube before I saw the film, the movie had me laughing all the way through. The problem is, it wasn’t meant to be funny (I don’t think.)
The set and scenery is the one thing I think was done well in the entire film. I really felt like green Forks, Washington from the books was brought to life. But that doesn’t make up for the absurd script, the bad acting direction, the odd makeup jobs, or the strange TV-movie quality special effects.
I suppose they didn’t have much to work with. I agree though, they could have done a lot with this book. They could have filled in a lot that was bad in the book and made a decent film. It’s too bad they compounded what was already bad in the book to make an even worse movie.
am i the only person that thinks robert pat is very unattractive. hes hideous he looks like jay leno with his chin
At first, when i read the books they were actually ok but when i saw the movie it disturbed me. I have never seen a worse movie in my life i mean the whole concept was ridiculous and it didn’t explain the story that well. Out of all the vampire movies i have seen i have never seen a vampire sparkle, i mean they twisted basically everything about a vampire i mean come on a vampire that sparkles? the whole thing was dum and edward looks ugly and i mean ass ugly! i don’t see why everyone loves him he looks like a beast well at least robert patterison does but edward still is ulgy too. I really don’t see the point of them making a movie about that crap if they can’t even write so it makes sense. That was a total waste of a movie ticket i hope the second movie New Moon doesn’t suck as bad you know what it will probably be worse.
I don’t understand what your problem is with twilight series. the books were amazing, they had so much potential. I know the plotline wasn’t as original as you would want and they were not even the original vampires but it was mezmorizing. I was so sad when he left that i started crying. And this is coming from a girl who is only 14, never liked reading, and has never showed any emotions around her friends or family. I read it way before I knew there was a movie.
A year after i read it, my best friend told me there was going to be a movie. I almost fainted of happiness. During the few months before the movie i totally wasted my time looking up news about it. finally it came out and i watched it with my mom. OH MY GOD!!!!!;( It was the most TERRIBLE movie i had ever seen.) It did the book no justice. All of those months of looking stuff up. I almost failed math!!!
The actors(they shouldn’t even be actors.) had no emotion toword each other. Robert Pattinson is 23 years old not 17, he looks gay and is not beautiful, and did not have a velvet voice. Kristen Stewert was ugly, can’t act, and is like a slut. all of the good scene’s were not even mentioned! i don’t even think they ever said i love you.
OH how i lothe Kathrine Hardwicke she totally ruined my favorite book. So here i am now writing about how much it sucked. ROBERT PATTINSON IS THE UGLIEST GUY/GIRL I HAVE EVER SEEN.
WOW!
twilight did NOT have bad acting. it had amazing acting. all of them knew what they were doing. you dont know what you are talking about! your crazy to say it was bad acting. you know that is a lie!