Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Speed Dating

I went speed dating tonight.
Weird? Yes.

I was expecting something completely different. I was going just for fun, and to kind of make fun of everyone there, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I forgot how it feels to meet new people, what it’s like to hold a conversation with someone who knows something you don’t. You can learn something new from every person you encounter, and it’s fantastic how you can be whoever you want. You can be a better person, you can be more interesting, you can not be the stereotype everyone else has shoved you into. It’s a relieving feeling. And it makes you sweat. (in fact, and this may be too much info, I was very glad I wore a white shirt to keep from showing how much it made me sweat.)

No, I don’t think I will ever see any of the guys I talked to ever again. But they were all intensely interesting, and one of them even offered me a job.

Wow. This sounds much too philisophical for a blog about speed dating. Long story short: good times. don’t be hatin.

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This is a bit emo for my taste, but while I was listening to this song today, I couldn’t help but be surprised at how the lyrics describe my feelings. (Yes, lots of songs do that. They’re like horoscopes; they can be interpreted any way, really.) So here you go. A little piece of my mind.

“Near To You” by A Fine Frenzy (by the way, some people think I look like her.)

He and I had something beautiful
but so dysfunctional, it couldn’t last.
I loved him so, but I let him go
cuz I knew he’d never love me back.

such pain as this
shouldn’t have to be experienced.
I’m still reeling from the loss,
a little bit delirious.

Near to you, I am healing
but it’s taking so long
Cuz though he’s gone, 
and you’re wonderful
it’s hard to move on.
I’m better near to you.

You and I have something different.
I’m enjoying it cautiously.
I’m battle-scarred,
I am working oh so hard
to get back to who I used to be.

He’s disappearing, fading subtly
I’m so close to being yours,
won’t you stay with me?

Cuz near to you, I am healing
But it’s taking so long
cuz though he’s gone,
and you’re wonderful
it’s hard to move on.
I’m better near to you.

I only know that I am better where you are.
I only know that I belong where you are. 
Near to you, I am healing
but it’s taking so long
though he’s gone,
and you are wonderful,
it’s hard to move on.
Near to you, I am healing
but it’s taking so long
cuz though eh’s gone,m
and you are wonderful,
it’s hard to move on.
I’m better near to you.

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(There will be a thousand blogs about Valentine’s day, mark my word.)

Most single people hate Valentine’s Day. A lot of them celebrate S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day) to make themselves feel better. Most go out and get drunk. I, however, choose to do none of these, but treat Valentine’s day as a normal day (besides the fact that I will probably get a lot more in tips at the restaurant).

I am going to go to work, come home, and go to a play with my friends. I am going to ignore the fact that everywhere I turn will be an ugly couple or a cute couple or a new couple or an old couple (Geez, I sound like Dr. Seuss), showing each other their love and appreciation for each other on this very special day. I will push out of my mind thoughts of past boyfriends or future boyfriends. I won’t waste a second wondering what others are doing.

(Side note: I don’t want to do the research, but if I’m not mistaken, St. Valentine loved everybody, and not just his significant other. I think that Valentine’s day should be a day to tell everyone you love each other, instead of buying the cliche boquet of roses and heart-shaped box of chocolates.)

But to why I don’t hate V-day. (Calling it V-day makes me giggle. I always want to call it V.J.-day, which should be celebrated more.) If I was in a relationship, I would love how romantic this day is. I would be excited. I’m happy for all those girls who are wetting themselves in anticipation, for all those guys who are vomiting under the pressure. I’m sure Valentine’s Day is a major stepping stone for most couples, and I think that my fellow Singles who hate Valentine’s Day are just bitter and lonely.

By the way, this whole blog is a lie. Tomorrow, I will be bitter, I will be cranky, I will be wondering what my exes are doing, and I will get good tips, by George! I’m just trying to convince myself that I’m not one of those types.

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I’ve sworn it off. Everyone should.

Dating people you work with is just awkward. The one time I’ve done it, it wasn’t really official, but another coworker mentioned how everyone knew what was going on, and I didn’t like that. Plus, if you break up, it’s even more awkward, cuz then you have to see each other every day, and then one or both of you will probably quit, and then the whole process just starts over again.

If you breakup with a coworker, it’s like a divorce. People have to choose sides. If you’re friends with your coworkers outside work (as I am), then you can’t both hang out with them at the same time. It’s just much too complicated.

Take Elliot and J.D. from Scrubs, for example. They dated like 8 times, and everytime they broke up, it was pretty crappy between them, and therefore everyone else. Elliot says it’s like a divorce, too, when J.D. hangs out with Turk and Carla all the time. “It’s like we got divorced,” she says, “and you got Turk and Carla.”

And yet, I keep going out with coworkers. I’m bad at saying no on dates, so I go, and usually have a good time, but then the next day it’s weird. It’s like, “How do we treat each other now? Do we go out again? If we don’t, can we still be friendly and flirt? Do we tell people about it?” And then, if one doesn’t like the other, then they’re going to be awkward anyway. And if one of them goes out with someone else, that’s gotta be weird.

This is me hating the dating scene again.

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The strangest thing has happened.

This weekend was horrible. Friday night I was indisposed. Saturday I moped around in my pajamas, crying periodically, until my sister popped in with some showtunes and boardgames and cheered me up slightly. That night, I went and stayed at her house, where my two-year-old nephew and I took pictures of ourselves until he fell asleep, and my sister introduced me to Jane Austen’s Persuasion and The Island. (Ewan McGregor is my one true love, P.S.)

All of this, while at least making me feel happy temporarily, did nothing to rescue me from the torment of my thought process. I replayed scenes in my head from the last two and a half months, and my insides writhed over and over again, until I was so sick that I had to put down my pizza and ignore Jeff Dunham’s ventriloquist act.

My sister produced a cure to my self pity spiral: a form of therapy that you (and even I) may think is just hokey, but that actually works. Apparently my aunt does this for a living.

 There are several parts to it. What she did for my sister was two parts: one generational and one psychological. Supposedly, several generations back, a woman in our family was raped, and her feelings in the aftermath of that incident have been passed down and inherited by my sister. Also, she has always had a low self-esteem, and my aunt discovered the reasons to this (which are too personal to put here; you’ll understand, I hope), and then fixed both the generational and the psychological. Since speaking with her, my sister has lost weight and has learned to love herself. It’s noticeable, the change in her.

 We called my aunt. My sister explained what had happened to me, and then passed the phone over. My aunt explained: “Your body is wired kind of like a house. It works well when everything is wired correctly, but if the wiring is off and something goes backwards, everything is messed up. You have two main “wirings” in you. The front one”—and she used the term, but I can’t quite remember the name of it–“makes you feel like you’re going to cry at any moment if it’s backwards. The back one makes you depressed if it’s off. Which do you think is off?”

I told her it was the front one, and then she proceeded to instruct me on what to do: tap on specified pressure points (by the eye, the chin, the collar bone, and so forth) and repeat what she says. “I forgive him for what he did to me,” “I forgive myself for falling for it,” and “This has been a learning experience,” were all phrases she used.

I didn’t think it would really work at first. We only spent about 5 or 10 minutes on the phone. I felt almost the same as I did before, and didn’t think I’d improved much, until I noticed the lack of internal writhing going on. Watching a Jane Austen romance without crying is impossible to do when you’ve just had your heart ripped out and donated to Fear Factor, but I did it. I even went to sleep without thinking of a few more ways I’d like to see that Someone die. Today I didn’t shed a single tear, and socialized more than usual at the obligatory Christmas party I attended.

Life is good.

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I feel used.

I’ve never been the sort of person people take advantage of, or someone who is easy to treat badly. Why? Well if you rewind about 7 hours, you’ll see me chewing out my coworker for doing part of our job that is my duty. I told him I was going to jump him after work and rip out his jugular. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don’t mess with the Red Fury.

Well today, I found out that I have been being treated badly for the past two and a half months, and I had no idea. Someone used me. Someone lied to me and manipulated me, and I fell for it. The worst I’ve had to endure from my fellow human beings is the cold shoulder, but this—this is unbearable. It felt like my insides were caving in, like someone was freeze drying my entire nervous system. Not a pleasant feeling.

I left work an hour early and drove to my best friend’s house. I fell apart on her bed while she yelled at that Someone over the phone, crying herself, and using threats you wouldn’t expect from such a small person. I was so very glad that I had her for a friend at that moment. I had never really relied on her before, but I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t been there when the bad news hit.

She took me to get Ben & Jerry’s, pizza, Big Fish, and my favorite snack of wheat thins and marshmallow fluff. I felt like a normal human being. I have never really been broken up with, and although this wasn’t a breakup, the way I was being treated felt like it, and I felt like I joined the ranks of so many women before me who have been mistreated.

There really isn’t any reason to write this. I just don’t want to be alone right now.

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I hate dating. Out of all the social norms, dating is the one I would sacrifice to the Gods if I lived on a remote island and we needed a social sacrifice to throw into the angry volcano.

I take that back. I’d get rid of hand shaking and high fives first. And then dating would have to go.

Dating is awkward for me. When I get nervous, I babble, and when there is any sort of silence between me and the only other person I’m with, I get nervous. This comes from my dad, who tried to drill the art of small talk into me, but instead taught me how to waste my breath. Now, if I’m at dinner with someone I like (which is rare), I scare them off by telling them about my dead dog, crazy uncle, or sleeping habits.

I’m not too worried about babbling, though, because like I said, that only happens around someone I like. I’m a practiced misanthrope, so finding someone who doesn’t drive me up the drapes is indeed rare. I’m more worried about actually going on dates. I would rather be home alone, eating my way through a box of Cheez-its and watching a crappy made-for-TV movie than out at an expensive restaurant with another guy who only asked me out because I have long eyelashes and good hair. Everytime I get asked on a date, I cringe inside. I quickly go through excuses in my head, and usually just resort to saying “maybe” and never answering my phone when they call. Don’t bother telling me I’m a terrible person. I’m already aware of that.

Maybe someday they’ll bring back the practice of arranged marriage, and I won’t have to bother with weeding through the pick-up lines to find the honest guy.

Here’s an adorable quote from My Best Friend’s Wedding: “Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just… passes you by.”

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