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Posts Tagged ‘college’

Update?

(almost 5,000 views?? how is that even possible? I’ll tell you. it’s the Twilight posts. I should keep those up.)

When last we left Janeal, she was mad at Warner Brothers, enjoying speed dating, and pondering over who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Also, she was a waitress working in a dead-end job.

(I have to explain that last sentence. I discovered Cha-Cha, the texting service that answers your questions. To test it out, I asked it all sorts of random questions, one of which was “What is germonderpop?” And the answer was, “Germonderpop is a blog about a waitress working in a dead-end job.” Funny, huh?)

Well, I’m not a waitress working in a dead-end job anymore. Well, I am. But now I’m going to school. Trying my best not to drop out. Forcing myself to do homework.

So far this semester, I’ve alienated myself. I’ve ignored everyone in my classes and gone straight home after school. But now I’m trying something new: Socializing with my classmates and hanging around campus more. Both of these—though this is the first week I’ve started it—are already improving my education. By becoming friends with people in my classes, we can study together. By hanging around campus, I have nothing better to do than homework. (Except right now. Yes, I’m on campus.)

And that is all you need to know right now.

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I’ve reached a dead end. I’m a waitress living in an attic, progressing neither mentally nor financially, and I have no motivation to fix it.

“Simple solution,” you say. “Go to school. Get a degree, get a good job, do all that travelling you’ve been wanting to do, and grow up.”

“Oh, well wouldn’t life be just beer and skittles if it were that simple,” I say.

First of all, I don’t want to go to school. I love learning, but I only like it when it’s something I’m intrigued by. For instance, as of late I’ve been gazing up at the stars (what one may call “stargazing”), curious about them. I’ve been studying astronomy on my own, because I want to. I don’t want to be required to take X amount of science credits and Y amount of history classes. I want to see something I don’t understand, and answer my own questions. I hate the education system.

Second of all, even if I wanted to go to school, how am I to pay for it? I don’t want to get a student loan unless I absolutely have to, and I don’t want to go into debt unless I absolutely want to go to school. I can’t go to school unless I have a high-paying job that can support me while I go, and I can’t get a high-paying job unless I go to school.

Typical Catch-22.

It seems my only option is to crawl back to my last school, beg forgiveness for wasting a perfectly good scholarship, and promise not to do it again.

Either that, or work at a Mexican Restaurant for the rest of my life.

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I’ve moved out for the first time.

I was terrified at first. I knew about a month in advance that I was moving, but it didn’t seem real till the last week in my parents’ place. All I could think was, “This is my last Sunday* here.” (*insert day of the week, meal, event, etc.) I thought I was moving on Saturday, and then on Thursday, my roommate-to-be told me my room was ready for me and I should move in that day.

So I did.

I felt a little bad at first; I felt like I needed to have a big last night with the ‘rents, for some reason. Some ceremonial thing that would seal the deal that I’m on my own now. Kind of how graduation solidifies the fact that you’re done with school, and a funeral sets in stone (almost literally) that someone you know is dead.

I didn’t get my graduation from my parents’ house, though. Just a swift move-in and dinner at Red Robin with my new roommates.

It’s been four days since I moved in, and I’m loving it. There’s not much difference from my little basement room at my parents’ (besides the fact that I share this attic room and there’s a light outside my window and i share a bathroom with my two best friends and I buy my own groceries), but now I feel grown-up. I can’t help saying “my roommate” as often as possible. I love telling my family “I have to go home now.” I use the phrase “my parents’ house” as often as possible.

But I’m still nostalgic. I’m going to miss being a little kid, with no cares in the world. I find myself terrified to think about the next 80 years: “What am I going to do with myself?”

And so, I’ve decided to go to school. Starting in January, I will be a pre-communications major. Maybe I really am growing up.

Thank you, moving out. 

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(“Random thoughts for Valentine’s Day, 2004…… Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap. Sand is overrated. It’s just tiny little rocks.” Name that movie!)

I’m turning into a hippie. My hair is getting longer and longer. I’m learning to play the guitar. I make my own jewelry. I burn incense. I can’t remember who it was, but someone once told me that if I had to be stereotyped, I’d be a hippie. I thought they were crazy then, but now I see what they mean. It’s not a bad thing, just an observation.

I can’t bring myself to go back to school. If I go back to school, I’ll just be getting a degree to get a good job. And then I’d just work all the time. Right now I’m just working all the time. There’s not much difference, except that my job right now doesn’t require a degree, it pays less than if I had a degree, and isn’t really that great of a job. But I like it anyway. I could find a good job that pays better without a degree if I really wanted to. I don’t really need a degree to work lots.

It’s my half birthday today. I should celebrate somehow. Maybe after work. Probably not.

I really want to get away. I’ve been wandering around the house, looking for my Delta dollars that I got on a trip last year. I need them to buy a ticket to Los Angeles and back so I can visit my sister. If I don’t get on a plane soon, I’ll go crazy. Every once in a while, I just have this desire to take off. I think it’s because up through junior high, my family was travelling a lot. Then when I got to high school, I went on a trip with the drama program or the choir program or whatever program at least 3 times a year. In the last year, I’ve gone to New York, Philadelphia, and Chicago. I haven’t gone on a trip since November, and I’m going crazy!

 I know four people getting married in May. Two on the same day.

That’s all.

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