Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

I’ve considered stopping this blog. In my favorite series of books, The Claidi Journals, (gee I love linking things) a man gets ahold of Claidi’s journal and reads them. And falls in love with her by reading them. And then he says he’s so used to getting to know people by reading about them (she was the first person he met in his life because he was hidden away), that he couldn’t bear going into normal society.

Recently, a few people (you know who you are) have mentioned that by reading my blogs/surveys/etc, they are getting to know me. I find that a bit strange, and I’ve always thought that I shouldn’t put my thoughts where people can see them because 1) Who really cares? 2) Shouldn’t that be privileged information?

All this is a prelude to what this blog is really about. (By the way, you know how there’s a word that means thinking about thinking? {I can’t think of what it is and I know it starts with a C, but Bryan and I put it on Urban Dictionary as cthinkthinking.} is there a word that means blogging about blogging? because that’s what I’m doing.)

I went back and read all my blogs from the point of someone who doesn’t know me as well as I do. (I do this often, with journal entries, my Facebook profile, etc. just to see if I should make changes.) (And admitting that is very personal, so please don’t tease me.) I found my blog about dating, and thought it was strange (not just because I was reading it from a different point of view). In it, I mention how I would rather be at home watching a movie and eating my way through a bag of chips (or something) than out at an expensive restaurant with a guy I hardly know.

Now, it’s not true at all. I love meeting new people and getting to know them (I thank my job for this), and while I do enjoy being alone, I would rather be experiencing life than hiding from it. It just shows you how much I’ve changed, how much I am changing.

Once, a good friend told me that he was amazed at how much I had changed since I had met him a year prior. If he and I were still friends, I think he would be astounded.

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I’ve sworn it off. Everyone should.

Dating people you work with is just awkward. The one time I’ve done it, it wasn’t really official, but another coworker mentioned how everyone knew what was going on, and I didn’t like that. Plus, if you break up, it’s even more awkward, cuz then you have to see each other every day, and then one or both of you will probably quit, and then the whole process just starts over again.

If you breakup with a coworker, it’s like a divorce. People have to choose sides. If you’re friends with your coworkers outside work (as I am), then you can’t both hang out with them at the same time. It’s just much too complicated.

Take Elliot and J.D. from Scrubs, for example. They dated like 8 times, and everytime they broke up, it was pretty crappy between them, and therefore everyone else. Elliot says it’s like a divorce, too, when J.D. hangs out with Turk and Carla all the time. “It’s like we got divorced,” she says, “and you got Turk and Carla.”

And yet, I keep going out with coworkers. I’m bad at saying no on dates, so I go, and usually have a good time, but then the next day it’s weird. It’s like, “How do we treat each other now? Do we go out again? If we don’t, can we still be friendly and flirt? Do we tell people about it?” And then, if one doesn’t like the other, then they’re going to be awkward anyway. And if one of them goes out with someone else, that’s gotta be weird.

This is me hating the dating scene again.

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I hate dating. Out of all the social norms, dating is the one I would sacrifice to the Gods if I lived on a remote island and we needed a social sacrifice to throw into the angry volcano.

I take that back. I’d get rid of hand shaking and high fives first. And then dating would have to go.

Dating is awkward for me. When I get nervous, I babble, and when there is any sort of silence between me and the only other person I’m with, I get nervous. This comes from my dad, who tried to drill the art of small talk into me, but instead taught me how to waste my breath. Now, if I’m at dinner with someone I like (which is rare), I scare them off by telling them about my dead dog, crazy uncle, or sleeping habits.

I’m not too worried about babbling, though, because like I said, that only happens around someone I like. I’m a practiced misanthrope, so finding someone who doesn’t drive me up the drapes is indeed rare. I’m more worried about actually going on dates. I would rather be home alone, eating my way through a box of Cheez-its and watching a crappy made-for-TV movie than out at an expensive restaurant with another guy who only asked me out because I have long eyelashes and good hair. Everytime I get asked on a date, I cringe inside. I quickly go through excuses in my head, and usually just resort to saying “maybe” and never answering my phone when they call. Don’t bother telling me I’m a terrible person. I’m already aware of that.

Maybe someday they’ll bring back the practice of arranged marriage, and I won’t have to bother with weeding through the pick-up lines to find the honest guy.

Here’s an adorable quote from My Best Friend’s Wedding: “Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just… passes you by.”

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